BEER

October 14, 2013

Theres never been a better time to quit drinking beer…

Or at least “BIG” beer. (that is beer made by the big breweries)

Several years ago now, one of the largest and best beer manufacturers in the world, Heineken, decided to follow the footsteps of many large corporations around the world and do the unthinkable: they outsourced.

Now why wouldn’t you? Transportation costs around the world were soaring. So why not take your top 20 or so biggest importers and set up operations in each country and just have the beer made right there under “strict” supervision? Your freight costs drop considerably and everybody wins. Right?

 

Wrong.

 

Somehow in their genius, cost-cutting plan, somebody overlooked the taste. Which is quite surprising given that beer is something that you put in your mouth. Overnight, Heineken went from a lovely, fresh, crisp and easy to drink beer to something quite different. All those decades of superior Dutch craftsmanship went straight down the toilet. Now Heineken in Australia tastes suspiciously like an Australian beer…. a bad Australian beer. Something more like Carlton or Crown. And why wouldn’t it? Australian hops grown in the dusty fly-blown desert couldn’t possibly taste like Dutch hops grown in moist green clog-trodden, sub-sea-level meadows. That was why I drank Heineken in the first place. It didn’t taste like a dank, bitter Australian beer. Oh well, there’s plenty more beers in the sea to choose from…

 

So I switched to Becks. Becks and I had a good run. Then the same thing happened. The taste changed. I looked down on the bottle and noticed the same thing…

 

Made under supervision at the local Aussie brewery blah blah

 

“No problem,” I thought. “Peroni wont let me down” But they did… and Stella and Grolsch and Carlsberg and Kronenbourg and pretty much every European Beer that makes it to this shore now is currently made in one of the three major Australian breweries: Carlton, Fosters (SAB Miller) & Lion. (and we all know how well they make beer)

 

And none of them… not one of them taste anything like the original.

 

Surely the Asians wouldn’t make the same mistake? I mean Asahi, Sapporo and Kirin couldn’t possibly sell out? Every one of those beers is “Japan’s number 1 beer”

 

Yep. All outsourced and all taste worse than they used to.

 

Whilst I understand that in these tough times, companies need to save money, what I don’t understand is how a highly paid, Beer executive could honestly sit in a room with both their original, home made bottle and the Australian version side by side and say with a straight face, “Yep, that’s exactly the same”

 

No f**king way??!!

 

Most probably they said something more like “Those f**king idiots down there wont know the damn difference”

 

Well this idiot does… and I’ve realised that these beer bosses think of me as exactly that: a total idiot. Well I’m not a ‘total’ idiot. But I do enjoy a beer or two on a hot day. So I’m left with no other option: Mexico.

 

Ah Corona, you wonderful company. You’re not stupid. You’ve stayed true to yourselves. You recognise that the reason people love your beer is because it’s made in Mexico and Mexico is where it shall stay. Hooray for Corona, the last true home made imported beer!!

 

But wait… To make up for those pesky freight costs, they’ve only gone and substituted the sugar for… you guessed it… High Fructose Corn Syrup. The number 1 most fattening substance on planet earth. Oh and it’s GMO as well. Plus they chuck a little Propylene Glycol in there for good measure. As if beer wasnt fattening enough!

 

So that’s it for imported ‘Big’ beer… The next time you’re at your fancy man restaurant, feel free to peruse the drinks menu and have a look at their extensive list of “Imported” Beers. You’ll probably see:

 

Becks (Australia)
Heineken (Australia)
Stella (Australia)
Peroni (Australia)
Grolsch (Australia)
Kronenbourg (Australia)
Carlsberg (Australia)
Kirin (Australia)
Asahi (Thailand)
Corona (Mexico)

 

You’ll still pay the same price too.

 

So what better time to stop drinking Big beer than now? What a great time to support these local micro-breweries that are popping up everywhere. You’ll see words like “organic”, “natural” and “no additives” Plus you’ll be supporting beer manufacturers that don’t think you’re a complete idiot… and that’s a good thing right?

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